January 12th, 2016

So I flew to Chicago to visit some family and friends before my semester starts.

I ended up taking my friend to meet up with my cousin at Crocodile in Wicker Park. It was Trap House Tuesdays and they had trap music and a $10 40 oz of Mickey’s and a shot special going on. We arrived around midnight and it was packed. Good crowd of people upstairs and a full house downstairs. Let’s talk about going to club as a woman. . .

These are a few of the people my friends and I encountered

  1. The person you don’t know who starts dancing on you from behind or trying to. It is CREEPY AND WEIRD to look behind you and constantly see a stranger trying to work his way into your circle/personal space/grind on your butt/grind on your friend’s butt. I have turned around thinking my friend was dancing with me and grabbing my butt to find a complete stranger grinding on me. I have many times before at festivals/concerts turned around to find the person dancing with me had whipped out his penis in public as well. If you’re trying to hang around and figure out which girl is drunk enough to let you dance on her- don’t do that. It’s very predator like and gross. If you want to dance with someone-ask them. And if they say no or push you away-back off and leave.
  2. The guy trying to buy you drinks and get your number. On this particular occasion a guy approached my friend, Ali, and I when I happened to have both our beers in my hands and said “Double fisting? What a champ!” to me and used that as a segway to ask my friend what she wanted to drink (since i had both beers at the moment and she was empty handed). He got her a cranberry and vodka and then started to twirl her hair and ask her about her life. I wasn’t sure if she was into it or not because they seemed to be getting along alright so I turned around and talked to my other friend for a minute. I turned back around and the guy was even closer to her and she gave me a sharp kick as a cue to jump in and save her. I jumped in and asked her to help me look for my cousin. She had told me she got creeped out when he wouldn’t stop petting her back and hair and that she had even powered her phone off so she wouldn’t have to get his number. If you’re buying someone a drink- they don’t owe you a dance/groping session/must less any sexual favors. I’ve had guys come up to me before when I was drinking beer and bring me a new full beer of the same kind as a segway- not even asking if i wanted a drink or not and then expecting me to talk and dance with them. Also, I wouldn’t trust a drink unless you see it poured especially from persistent strangers. Something a friend of mine used to do for safety while out at bars and concerts was introduce herself as a different name when she was feeling nervous/unsafe. This was a cue to all of us that she was feeling that way. It also helped her if she encountered that person again that she knew how she was feeling when she met them originally. Alice if she was on her toes and her real name if she felt safe. Women shouldn’t need to make up fake names, phone numbers, or excuses to leave. These methods are just like the typical single woman wearing a wedding ring in hopes of other men seeing a wedding ring and changing his mind before hitting on her. It’s important for men to realize that women don’t owe you anything- even if you by them a drink. When you offer to buy someone a drink- it shouldn’t be because you expect sex/intimacy/dancing/ someone’s number.
  3. The friend of the friend who’s making out with your friend- who thinks you guys should be making out/dancing together. This is a situation I have learned to call “coupling” and has happened to me plenty of times. My cousin came to the club with two male friends. One of them she started to dance with and kiss and her other friend decided if they were dancing and kissing- he would try dancing and kissing me as well. I politely shut him down but as the night went on and he got drunker and perceived me to get drunker- he became very insistent. I told him repeatedly I had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested. I then grabbed hands with my friend Ali for the rest of the night. I see this happening all the time- just because two members of a group are kissing/dancing/hooking up- doesn’t mean the remaining members wan’t to do the same thing. I remember tagging along after a friend of mine wanted to go home with a guy she met out and I was left to watch tv with his roommate while they hooked up in the other room. The roommate made multiple passes at me and I had to tell him repeatedly I wasn’t interested and text my friend to hurry up so we could leave. Just because my friend was there to hook up with his roommate- doesn’t mean I came there looking to hook up with him as well. Situations like these can be very awkward and dangerous. Just because some people are coupling up- doesn’t mean the remaining two will as well. Respect people when they say no and if they say no once- it’s probably still a no ten, fifteen, thirty minutes, or an hour later.

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